It is so hard in ministry balancing out the right amount of "care" for our people. It is both an amazing blessing that God has given each of us as leaders to love on and support His Children in their journey of Faith...and a huge weight that we carry as we wade alongside them in the muck of life.
We know the Scriptures that God tells us to bear one another's burdens, to weep with those who weep, and mourn with those who mourn, and lean on each other...ect. BUT we must make sure that in our efforts to be obedient to God in these areas, that we are truly doing His will with His people in the process.
What do I mean by that?
What I mean is that we need to always make the "main thing" the main thing in any situation and that it always points to JESUS. We counsel many people in our journey of leadership, in all different walks of life, and it is so easy to get "caught up" in the crisis that they are going through that we sometimes find ourselves trying to fix their problems instead of guiding them to the only One who truly can. We have to remember that God always wants us to be His arms extended to the people He brings into our lives but, He never wants us to be their Savior. This is probably (I'm totally assuming) most difficult for women to not do this because we are generally by nature very nurturing individuals. We want to comfort, soothe, and fix the problems our loved ones face...but, this really is very detrimental to God's plan of helping His children understand that HE is the One they should be seeking not us. This may sound a little harsh to all of us nurturers, but it's the simple Truth. It's not about them trusting us, it's about them trusting God. We must always point them to Jesus first.
*we must remember and teach them that there are ALWAYS ONLY 2 Choices...Obey God or Disobey God in this situation. And then we need to BACK OFF and let them make their choice. Giving guidance and encouragement is one thing, but ultimately there are only 2 choices they have. If they choose to obey God, then help them as THEY continue to take the steps with actual evidence in obedience to God. BUT if they choose to be disobedient....leave them alone.
Surely God doesn't want us to leave them alone?????? Well....yes, actually I believe that is exactly what God wants us to do. Based on Scripture (there's quite a bit in the Bible) God tells us to walk away from the immoral brother..ect. He doesn't say stop loving him, He says to not fellowship with him. Now...stop and think for a minute about this. If someone you love is choosing to live in sin, and you are constantly hugging and comforting and encouraging them while they are sinning...why would they ever want to stop? So imagine from God's perspective...if someone is sitting at His feet loving Him, and all of a sudden they get up and start walking down the road away from Him, from where they KNOW He wants them to be, where they Experience His presence, and the love of the Body of Christ, and they choose to get up and leave that place... why does God want YOU to chase after them and comfort them in their choice to be disobedient?
Does God not love them more than you or I do? The answer is YES! He does love them so much more than you or I ever could and He is BIG enough to reach them wherever they are! The point is...disobedience to God...is pain for us. And the reality is sometimes we NEED to experience that pain and emptiness in our sin in order to Realize that we cannot make it without Him. It's His love and presence that draws us back into His arms. But how often can we get in the way of this beautiful process because WE are trying to convince someone that their choices aren't working instead of just allowing them to discover that on their own?
We should ALWAYS be available to help someone get back on track with the Lord, but the difference is whether it's their idea or ours. How do we know if we are being a help or a hinderance in God's plan with an individual???? Simple...just ask God what He wants us to do and then do it. Trust me, if you honestly seek God on behalf of the people He's entrusted you with...He will tell you what He wants you to do.
As leaders it is very important and frankly incredibly essential to our ministries, that we develop healthy relationships with the people around us. Every ministry on the face of the planet, unless you're in a cult, is made up of healthy individuals and unhealthy individuals. Our job as leaders is to provide a healthy environment for everyone: both the healthy and the unhealthy. We must help cultivate relationships within our ministries that focus on all the healthy requirements of children of God: how we treat each other, how we love each other, how we listen to and encourage one another, and how every relationship has a God-focused center: always pleasing and glorifying Him. It is so often found in ministries that we tend to focus on the spiritually unhealthy people more than the healthy people, catering (usually unintentionally) to the unhealthy in our ministries and forgetting to empower the healthy. This tends to render a very poor result over time.
If we become the types of leaders that always respond to crisis in our ministries: then guess what...crisis is what you will get. As leaders we have to use the time that God has given us to do what He has called us to do. It is very easy to get sidetracked by all the crisis calls of our people. If we make crisis our priority in our ministries then that is what will rule our ministry.
Does God want us to reach out to those in need? Absolutely. However, we need to seek His will for our ministry and our day to day. God never tells us that those in crisis are more important than those who aren't, so why do we so quickly brush off the ones who aren't pulling on our coat straps for those who are screaming our name down the street? One reason could very easily be that we need to be needed. It is a good feeling when you know you mean alot to someone and that they value your opinion and they want you in their life. We tend to bend that way because it makes us feel good and feel like we are accomplishing ministry when we are needed by those we care for. And there's nothing wrong with any of that! But, we can't forsake one of God's people for another. God brings healthy individuals into our lives as well to help cultivate them in ministry, in leadership, and in growth in their personal relationship with the Lord. If we neglect them, are we not being disobedient to God as well?
I have seen it and unfortunaltely have done it myself, had something planned with one individual only to cancel with them because someone else came up who I thought needed me more. The result... they were hurt. Not unrealistically either, I chose to make someone else more important than them and they knew it. Now, I believe life and death, emergency situations are understandable...but every day situations frankly can wait. We can't make someone feel "less important" because someone else has a crisis.
Three things are sure to result from this leadership behavior:
1. The healthy individual will realize that if they want your attention...they must have a crisis...and if they want your attention enough...they will find one. Then the healthy individual has just become unhealthy in viewing relationships in the Body of Christ.
or 2. The healthy individual will realize they are not as important to you and they will simply move on from the relationship. And You've missed out on what God had in store for that relationship.
or 3. The crisis oriented individual will not learn how to break free from this habit and they will continue to miss out on learning how to not only have healthy relationships with other people, but walk in a healthy relationship with God.
If you continue to fuel these "crisis friendships" in your ministry, then pretty soon, that is all that you will have. And you will be completely burnt out because you simply will not be able to keep up. You will ultimately feel like a failure and God definitely will not be glorified in you or in them. Cultivate positive relationships and you will see positive relationships...with God and with
others. We teach it with children...positive reinforcement vs. negative reinforcement...still works with adults! There's alot to be gained when you focus attention on those who are also growing in the Lord and on the right track... people want to succeed...really, who doesn't? If people see the positive attention in doing what's right and focusing on a big God instead of a big problem...how many more just might follow that example?
This is a difficult line to tow, I am completely aware of the difficult balance...but I know that if we constantly keep God in the center of every relationship He places in our lives, seeking His guidance of how He wants us to love them, then He gets all the glory, they will grow closer to Him, and He will become their Savior. And we can just focus on being a "real" friend. :)
Comments
Post a Comment